As you well know I strive to write a positive happy blog, I also strive to be happy on all levels in my life and even if it's a lot of work at times, I feel I do a pretty good job.
So this is NOT a happy positive post, it's a 'I just got thrown a big bucket of stinking' crap' post, so bear with me.
I lost my mother in mid-december. I wasn't close to my mother due to the horrible way she treated me when I was a teenager. When I say horrible, I mean 'you will have to go to therapy for quite a while' horrible. I felt so helpless, I kept asking for help from my grandma (her mother) but she would only tell me to be patient and live with it.
So shortly after her death I was looking for some pictures of her for her sister and I found a copy of a will she had made 15 years ago that left me most of what she had (which is probably nothing) and made me excecutor.
So I decided to call my aunt to see what was happening with the will, so I left her a message yesterday....Oh boy!
I went out for a bit this morning and when I came back I saw the answering machine light blinking, so naturally I took the message....My aunt was hand delivering oodles and oodles of crap in my answering machine. I was a heartless b****, a coward, I had abadonned my mother in her hour of need, I should destroy her number and never call her back, I was a money grabbing selfish god knows what....You get the gist. The message was so violent I felt like somedy hit me in the face!
So I decided to call her to explain about the will I found and basicaly I just wanted some info.
OMG she was even more histerical than on the message, she managed to scream that she had taken my mother to see shows and she had spent thousands of dollars of her own money to take care of her, and the same stuff from the message, and that my dad was an asshole and even worse things.
I tried to reason with her but she was too far gone. I tried to tell her how I felt as a teenager when I was asking for help and they wouldn't give me the time of day. I tried to tell her how lonely I felt with a crazy chain smoking alcoholic falling allover the house. But I couldn't
She did manage to tell me once again that she didn't want to see or hear from me again (good i think we can arrange that!). And to think I only wanted some information!
You know that feels so good, I feel so much better to have gotten that off my chest.
Sorry about the awful post
Here's my favorite prayer that has helped my countless times.
The Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Amen.
