Friday, January 14, 2011

Avalanche

As you well know I strive to write a positive happy blog, I also strive to be happy on all levels in my life and even if it's a lot of work at times, I feel I do a pretty good job.

So this is NOT a happy positive post, it's a 'I just got thrown a big bucket of stinking' crap' post, so bear with me.

I lost my mother in mid-december. I wasn't close to my mother due to the horrible way she treated me when I was a teenager. When I say horrible, I mean 'you will have to go to therapy for quite a while' horrible. I felt so helpless, I kept asking for help from my grandma (her mother) but she would only tell me to be patient and live with it.
So shortly after her death I was looking for some pictures of her for her sister and I found a copy of a will she had made 15 years ago that left me most of what she had (which is probably nothing) and made me excecutor.
So I decided to call my aunt to see what was happening with the will, so I left her a message yesterday....Oh boy!
I went out for a bit this morning and when I came back I saw the answering machine light blinking, so naturally I took the message....My aunt was hand delivering oodles and oodles of crap in my answering machine. I was a heartless b****, a coward, I had abadonned my mother in her hour of need, I should destroy her number and never call her back, I was a money grabbing selfish god knows what....You get the gist. The message was so violent I felt like somedy hit me in the face!
So I decided to call her to explain about the will I found and basicaly I just wanted some info.

OMG she was even more histerical than on the message, she managed to scream that she had taken my mother to see shows and she had spent thousands of dollars of her own money to take care of her, and the same stuff from the message, and that my dad was an asshole and even worse things.
I tried to reason with her but she was too far gone. I tried to tell her how I felt as a teenager when I was asking for help and they wouldn't give me the time of day. I tried to tell her how lonely I felt with a crazy chain smoking alcoholic falling allover the house. But I couldn't
She did manage to tell me once again that she didn't want to see or hear from me again (good i think we can arrange that!). And to think I only wanted some information!

You know that feels so good, I feel so much better to have gotten that off my chest.

Sorry about the awful post   

Here's my favorite prayer that has helped my countless times.

The Serenity Prayer



God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Amen. 

14 comments:

Keetha Broyles said...

Bless your heart.

Sounds to me like your Aunt may be just about like your mother.

I think it is a wise and prudent choice to steer clear - - -

I have an Aunt I think is crazy, she left me a phone message somewhat like that once - - - I smile and say "hi" when I see her and just keep walking away.

Some may say that is being a coward. I don't think so. She is beyond reason, so I am civil and kind, but I don't waste my breath.

SusieQT said...

I've never met you in person, but just from reading your blog I know what a good and kindhearted soul you are. It's clear that your aunt doesn't know you that well and is just trying to throw some of her headaches your way. In the meantime, get yourself a lawyer that can handle anything about the estate so you don't have to deal with her! Be peaceful, *hugs*

Linda @ A La Carte said...

I am so sorry that happened. I agree with Keetha, just keep on walking! Sometimes you can't reason with people. So glad you got it off your chest, now just breathe and let it go! God Bless you!
hugs,
Linda

P. said...

I am so sorry to hear about what you're going through.

Since you have a copy of a will naming you executor, even though there may be nothing to her estate, I would contact an attorney to see if there is something legally that has to be done. (Sorry, all my years working at a law firm are talking). At least maybe they can act as intermediaries if further communication with your aunt about her affairs is in order.

Take care and be gentle with yourself at this difficult time.

Sarah said...

I'm one of those ppl who have done the therapy thanks to issues from family. The best advice I received was, "you can't pick them. You can't change them. You don't have to associate with them." And with that, I stopped associating. And I've never been happier. There are still hard times when all you want to do is explain things from your perspective but the truth of the matter is if they were the type of person/people who would listen, they would have listened long ago and you wouldn't have to be putting up with crap like this now.

:) Sometimes its a good thing....

Steph said...

I don't know you but wanted to tell you I have been there. My dad died in 2003 and I hadn't spoken to him in 15 years, since I was about 16 when I decided to end our abusive relationship. He had no will and as such everything went to my sister and I when he died. His sister was not happy about that and boy, did she let us know it! I could have cared less to receive the inheritance honestly. It was a difficult time and I did have emotions to deal with but never any guilt and still do not to this day. Trust yourself and remember that your mother was horrible to you. You survived her to become who you are today. Hold on to that! Your aunt sounds horrible too btw. Take care.

SixBalloons said...

A wise man once told me that if an irrational person can't pound the facts, he pounds the table.

I feel so badly that you are caught in this situation. I hope you don't take it to heart and let it get to you too much. Some people just don't want to be reasonable and happy, and we can leave those people alone by themselves! Hope things start looking up for you! I think it's awesome that you have your great Dad in your life!

Thrifted Treasure said...

:-( So sorry to hear about the sadness you have had to deal with, your aunt can get stuffed, if she chooses to be blind about the way your mum treated you that's her problem. Hugs xxx

Mimi said...

Everyone here loves ya and thinks you are an awesome & great person, Miss V. Sadly there are just some folks in life who are awful people and we can't do anything about them. The Serenity Prayer certainly applies to this one. Stay strong!

Douce France..... said...

I think that it is ok and good for you to get that out. Take care

The Crazy Suburban Mom said...

oh honey - I don't even know where to go with this... I can only say as far as mother's go I can sympathize with you. I will write you.

KobysCache said...

Hugs from Bloggy land. Just lots of hugs.

De tout, de rien said...

Oh so sorry to hear about what you went through! Having an overbearing abusive mother myself, I can sympathize with you wholeheartedly. It's amazing how relatives just go into denial in these situations.

We pick our friends, not our relatives. My best advice is to steer clear of these negative influences and surround yourself with positive, happy people.

It takes years to rebuild you self-confidence when the one person who is supposed to believe in you and support and love you no matter what constantly puts you down (and my mother didn't even have the excuse of being an alcoholic) during your formative year at a time when you are most vulnerable.

The fact that you and I overcame this abuse and grew up to be wonderful people speaks volumes about our character.

libertybellepa said...

(((((((((((((( huge hugs ))))))))))))))))
I'm sorry you had to go through all that

You keep your head high, you know the truth